


Growing back together

by Everlarked



Category: Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: F/M, Post-Mockingjay, Pre-Epilogue, growing back together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-02
Updated: 2014-05-02
Packaged: 2018-01-21 15:16:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1554917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Everlarked/pseuds/Everlarked
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the story begins when Peeta shows up for breakfast at the end of Mockingjay. Katniss and Peeta slowly grow back together. Lots of Everlark fluff!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Peeta's return

Peeta, bearing a warm loaf of bread, shows up with Graesy Sae.

  
She makes us breakfast. And then it strikes me: Peeta is back. I realize I am seriously relieved. Yesterday I was too upset to appreciate it. But now, after this dreadful night with Buttercup, I feel his presence at the breakfast table, I taste the bread that can only be of his making. And surprisingly enough I feel something that comes remotely close to gladness.

  
After feeding Buttercup all my bacon I go and sit in front of the fire. Greasy Sae leaves, like she did the past couple of weeks, but Peeta stays. He lingers in the kitchen and I feel he’s a bit tense. I’m afraid he’ll take off or go mad or both at the same time but I have no idea how to prevent that. “Don’t go” I whisper, barely audible. And I also barely hear his whispered answer, “I won’t.”

  
He comes and sits in the other rocker. We sit where Haymitch and he were sitting the day I broke my foot and they played chess. I tell Peeta the memory and he nods his head. “Do you remember?” I ask. “Yes, I think I’ve got all my memories back now, at least it feels coherent if I try to remember my past.” He answers.

  
“That’s good,” I say, but it feels more than good. Because if he really is back like he was, the old Peeta, that must mean that he loves me again, or still. But I don’t dare to ask so instead we sit in silence until I drift off.

  
When I wake again he’s still there but now busy sketching. It’s late afternoon when Greasy Sae comes back and makes dinner. We eat with the three of us at the table. After dinner Peeta leaves with the leftovers to bring to Haymitch. I sit by the fire again and wait for him to return.

  
When he comes back we sit again in silence. It’s OK though. A lot of talking all the time is too much for me. I called my mom today, that was hard enough.

  
I drift off again but find myself in his arms when he carries me upstairs and puts me in bed, like he did when I broke my foot. I let him put me in and I want him to come and sleep with me, but again I’m scared to ask. And too tired. So I fall asleep.

  
When I wake the next morning I see Peeta has fallen asleep in the chair with his head on the mattress. I start stroking his hair back. Peeta opens his eyes and looks at me. “Stay with me” I whisper, and he answers with a still sleepy voice, that reassuring steady answer full of promise. “Always.”

  
He gets up and stretches and walks out the door. “I’ll be back soon, going to make breakfast.” He says. I lie in bed for a while, thinking to my surprise that I am really glad now. He is back, he is really back!

  
I take a shower and then call dr. Aurelius who is happy to finally hear from me. I tell him how Peeta’s return made me turn back to reality a little bit, and I also tell him about the cat. He tells me I have to go with the motion and see if anything comes back to me that makes sense again. I think about it in the chair by the fire as I see Peeta’s sketch, the one he made yesterday. It’s Prim! Prim with her goat. Tears well up in my eyes when I look at her face. That boy, he did it again, amazing me with his gift. Whether it is his words, his baking or his paintings, he always seems to be able to amaze me again.

  
Looking at the sketch, I find a thing that makes sense again. The book we made, the book with the herbs and edible plants. I want to make a book like that one about the people I lost, the people we lost. When Peeta comes back, with fresh loaves of bread in his arms, I tell him the idea. He’s immediately excited. We talk a bit about it, the persons who need to be in the book, and how to handle it. We agree that I’ll call the doctor again tomorrow and tell him about the plan. I feel that this is already enough for today, I don’t have the energy to talk or do more and for the rest of the day I stare in the fire.


	2. Nightmares and flashbacks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katniss and Peeta both suffer from their past but help each other out.

This night, when Peeta brings me to bed again, I pull on his arm. I’m still afraid to ask him, but maybe, if I pulled a little, that would be sign enough for him. And it is. He climbs into bed next to me and wraps his arms around me. I’m amazed at the feeling of warmth that rushes through me. All the memories from the cave, the train, the training centre, and the beach come running back to me. And how good it feels. I lay my head on his chest, where I find the steady beat of his heart.

  
I wake screaming from the nightmare filled with mutts and lost children, Prim becoming a human torch. All the sense I felt during the day is gone in the dark of the night. Peeta holds me tight, stroking my hair and rocking my body softly and I calm down a little. Then I realize I’m not alone and I remember the nights filled with nightmares where only his arms could help me and keep me from going insane. How much I’ve missed him. With a sigh of relief I lay my head on his chest again and fall asleep while he’s still whispering soothing words.

  
The next morning I call dr. Aurelius again and he says he’ll send the supplies for the book. The supplies arrive by train a couple of days later. Peeta and I start working on the book together. He makes paintings and sketches and I write the memories down. One by one, the pages fill themselves. Prim with her goat, Peeta’s dad with cookies, Rue, Cinna, Boggs. We seal the pages with salt water and promises to live a good life. I feel I owe it to them, that this is the least I can do now. Live a good and happy life again, to make their deaths count.

  
One day, I startle when I hear Peeta make a strange noise and when I look up I see he’s tense and clutches the chair he sits in with both his hands. His face white, his pupils dilate. I recognize the expression from that day in the Capitol, when the mutts chased us. The memory makes me so scared I’m about to run away. But I realize I have to help him and I’m trying to remember what helped him back then. I kissed him, full on the mouth. The memory makes me hesitate. Though he sleeps in my bed every night now, we haven’t kissed yet. I want to, but I’m still a bit scared. I don’t know what he’ll think of it and I want my kisses to be sincere. Not for food, or because I feel lonely. But real kisses, out of love for him. But now there is no time to over think this, so I get up and go to him, to kiss him full on the mouth like I did in the Capitol.

  
I feel his body react and when I let go he looks up and looks me in the eyes. His eyes are normal again and he gives me a smile, so sweet, with just the right touch of shyness, it makes something stir inside me. He gets up from the chair and wraps his arms around me. “You kissed me” he says in a soft voice. “yes” I whisper and then he kisses me back. I feel the same hunger I felt at the beach and realize I know this was going to happen anyway. We belong together, we have belonged together since the reaping, when our names were called together and our fates were sealed. Tears start falling from my eyes as we kiss and I taste the saltiness in our mouths. As we finally let go I see they are on his cheeks as well and I carefully wipe them with the back of my hand. Then I hear him whisper: “You love me, real or not real?” and I tell him, “Real.”

  
We both cry and stand in each other’s arms for a really long time, when we startle at the sound of a knock on the door and Haymitch entering. He looks at us, wrapped in each other’s arms, and smiles. “Well, finally, you two found each other again, it was about time.” He says. We both start laughing at his remark. “So, lovebirds, what’s for dinner?” Haymitch walks to the kitchen and we follow him. We cook together and eat with the three of us. It feels so good, being here with these two men I love. It’s like being with my own family. And I guess we are a family of some sort. A family of victors.

  
I tell Haymitch about the book and he agrees to help us with it. After dinner we talk for hours as we share our memories from the games.

  
When we lie in bed Peeta kisses me again. Now there is no Haymitch to disrupt us and I let myself drown in him. The hunger I felt this afternoon comes back, and even worse. Or better. I feel like there is absolutely no way this feeling can be quenched. And I realize that life can go on, no matter how bad our losses. That it can be good again. And only Peeta can give me that.


	3. Living together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katniss and Peeta pick up their life together.

We learn to keep busy again, Peeta bakes, I hunt, Haymitch drinks and tends geese, who thankfully can take care of themselves when he is drunk. We work on the book together and Peeta and I grow very close, closer now that there is nothing to prevent us from being together. We talk about our memories and I’ve found that talking about it helps me to give it a place. Now, in this time of peace I can collect memories and feelings and realize what is real and of worth. Peeta is the greatest worth I have now. Loving him is easy enough, because he is good, better than the rest of us. I cherish this and even though my losses are severe, at least I have him back. He’s there every night, with his strong arms he wards of nightmares and with his kisses he gives me warmth. And during the day, he’s there as well, he’s funny and he has a dept to him I am able to appreciate even more now. He and Haymitch combined is even better, they make me roll of my seat from laughing and laughing cures wounds.

  
Haymitch joins us for dinner almost every evening. One night he tells us that new people will be coming to 12 and there is a little shortage of housing. “Maybe you should consider cleaning out your house, since you’re hardly ever there.” Hamitch says to Peeta. I realize he is right of course, Peeta is always here and his house stands empty. He looks at me as if he needs permission. I smile at him and he says “tomorrow’s moving day then.”

  
We need the whole day to pack Peeta’s stuff in boxes and carry them to our house. There are a lot of clothes from the victory tour and Peeta wants to donate them to districts where there is shortage of clothes. He has one room filled with painting supplies and canvas. “You should take Prim’s room for your paintings” I say. He turns to me, “are you sure?” “Yes, why not, what use is it to keep it unused and I never come there anyway.” I say, but tears well up in my eyes. Peeta crosses the room and wraps his arms around me. “I can use another room” he says softly. “No, Prim’s room is the best, it has the best lighting as well. It’s OK, it really is, Peeta. I need to accept the fact that she’s not coming back and I think this can actually help me.” “OK.” He says. We finish packing that day but need the next one to unpack in our house.

  
That evening after dinner, Haymitch teases us about living officially together. “Maybe you two should get married, that will make a statement.” I laugh, cause he said the same thing during the victory tour. But Peeta stands from the table and takes my hand and pulls me up. Then to my amazement he gets down on one knee and takes my hand. In his other hand he holds out a golden ring, with the pearl he gave me in the Quell in it.

  
“Katniss,” he says in a soft voice, but filled with emotion, “You are my whole life. I promised to stay with you always and I will. I love you more than life and I want to ask you: Will you marry me?”

  
Tears fill my eyes as I listen to his declaration of love and I answer in a whisper “yes.” And then, because it seems it requires more explanation. “I love you too,” I look at Haymitch, who seems actually emotional as well. “I do, I really do.” He smiles and mouths the words ‘I know.’

  
Peeta puts the ring on my finger, then he comes up and holds me in his arms, I look in his eyes and see how happy he is and start to laugh now.

  
“Well, congratulations,” Haymitch says, “and how wonderful that I was allowed to witness this. Let’s have a toast.” He fills our glasses and we toast and talk about the wedding to come. “I want my mom to come” I say and Peeta names Effie. Then I realize that most of the people I would want to come are dead. Before I can stop myself I say “I want Prim to come” and then start to cry. Peeta pulls me close and says “I’m sorry Katniss, I didn’t think about that. Maybe we should just do the toasting with the bread and be done with it.” I shrug, but I’m not sure about what I want.

  
“Well, you don’t have to decide on it today,” Haymitch says. He’s right of course and he and Peeta change the topic and chat on.

  
At night, in bed, Peeta asks me what I want, I tell him that I honestly don’t know. But I decide I’ll call my mom and ask her about it. She congratulates me over the phone and says she’ll be there. I tell her about how I cried wanting Prim to be there as well. She says maybe it’ll be best to wait for a few more months to get married, maybe then it’ll be better. I’m not sure if that is true.


	4. A thousand years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peeta is unsure of Katniss's love for him, and she sings to him to convince him.

The next day I talk to Peeta about it I see a glance of fear in his eyes. “What’s wrong” I ask him. But he just shrugs an walks to the kitchen. This won’t do so I follow him. I see his shoulders tense and the fear in his eyes makes me scared too. This is not good, what is happening to him? I’m thinking kissing won’t help so I just stare him down. Then music comes to me and I sing in a soft voice a love song. I actually made it myself, a few weeks after he came back. I was waiting for him to return and I realized that while I wrote this song.

  
I have died every day waiting for you  
Darling don’t be afraid  
I have loved you for a thousand years  
I’ll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you  
Time has brought your heart to me  
I have loved you for a thousand years  
I’ll love you for a thousand more.

  
Peeta relaxes at the sound of my voice and comes back from the flashbacks that hurt him. I walk over and wrap my arms around him. “Are you OK?” I ask. He nods his head and says “That was beautiful, I didn’t recognize it, though.” “I wrote it myself, a few weeks ago,” I say, “that day we kissed, that’s when I made it, for times like these.”

  
“You wrote that for me?” he says and there is a little unbelief in his voice. “You’ve loved me for a thousand years?”

  
“Well, not literally of course, but I want you to remember that I’ve loved you for a long time and that I won’t stop loving you in the future.”

  
Then Peeta wants to know since when I’ve loved him, which is a difficult question, I’ve asked myself many times. But because of that I know the answer too. It’s a long answer though, if I want to give him a full account. So I take Peeta to the living room and sit him down. This will take a while.

  
“There have been stages, I must say. My love for you has grown. It started on the day you gave me the bread, for me that was the day we met. You were a promise to me, that life could go on. Then there was not much going on for years, I saw you in school, your eyes flit away, I looked the other way and so it went on until the day of the reaping. When they called your name my first thought was no, please not him. I mean, you were the boy with the bread, how could I possibly kill you. Then in the days before the games I was torn between not being able to trust you but couldn’t help myself trusting you anyways. When you saved me from Cato after I dropped the wasps on you I was very confused and I couldn’t understand why you did what you did then.

  
After the change of rules I went looking for you and I felt happier than ever finding you at the stream. But I realized a real intense stirring after I jammed that needle in you and you were a bit mad at me for going to the feast. You said I won’t be doing you any favours if I died, but I suddenly realized that I didn’t do it for you, but for me. Because I just didn’t want to lose you. When you almost died after the mutts attacked, I felt I would be going insane if you’d die. I screamed my head off in that hovercraft after you lost consciousness. That was a clear sign of how much you meant to me. But it was too hard for me to deal with any feelings towards you after the first games, I was too scared because Haymitch warned me about them not being happy that I survived. And also not capable of loving someone that way. I never wanted to get married and have children, I’d decided that years ago and was not planning on changing that. So the best I could do was ignore you, so I didn’t have to face my feelings. I’m sorry though, because it wasn’t the nicest way to act towards you.

  
My feelings intensified again during the victory tour. You gave away our price money, that was amazing. You stayed with me during the nights, I don’t know why I deserved that after the way I was treating you. Then when I broke my foot you were there for me every day, that was truly amazing, Peeta.

  
When the Quell was announced, after I drowned in my own selfish sorry, I realized I wanted you to live. You were amazing again at the individual assessment where you painted Rue and again at the interview. Little things like that made my love for you grow. That day spent together on the roof, when I think back that was one of the best days of my life. And in the arena, when you nearly died hitting that force field, that was when I realized I couldn’t live without you. When you tried to convince me on the beach that I should live, it hit me again. Living without you, Peeta, that would mean damage beyond repair for me. When we kissed, that night on the beach, I felt it inside me. I couldn’t name it then, but I remember it now. I’ve loved you, not as a friend or someone I need for me, but because of who you are. Truly good and amazing, beautiful and warm, with an unexpected heath behind it. Right there and then, I knew you were the one, the only one for me.

  
When you were captured I died a little every day. When you were in 13, rescued but hurt, it made me so mad. I promised to myself to revenge you and kill Snow. But then I had to go to two, where Gale kissed me. That didn’t work so well, I guess I effectively ruined that friendship there.”

  
Here Peeta finally interrupts me, “But you loved him as well,” he says.

  
“He was my best friend. Of course I loved him, it was a different kind of love though, and sure, if I wasn’t reaped, who knows we would have ended up together, although that was never part of my plan. Who can tell now. But fate bound you and me together, and I know what I feel now. It was really hard for me, in those wretched days, to figure out feelings, I didn’t even have time for that. But I do now. He was my best friend, there is a difference between a best friend and a lover.” I stay quiet for a while and Peeta says “I guess so, but it’s hard to figure you out. You say you had feelings for me in both of the games, but you kissed him after them as well.”

  
“Well, it took me a long time to realize it, and I am sorry because I know I’ve hurt both of you. But even though I kissed both of you, there was a difference in the kisses. I kissed him out of pity or out of loneliness. I kissed you because I wanted too.” I say and I’m hoping I can convince him, cause I don’t want him doubting my love, that was the whole point of the song. So I continue.

  
“Peeta, after I was sent back here, I died every day, waiting for you. For you! And when you finally came back you helped me get out of that state of numbness and back to life.”  
I look at him intensely but he just nods, as if he is not really hearing what I’m saying. “OK, so you were in Two,” he says, indicating that I should finish my story. I get a little desperate.

  
“Yes, I was in Two and then I got shot. In the hospital in 13 I wanted you but you weren’t there. Then I went to the Capitol and you arrived shortly after. I was so mad at you, I was so scared, I didn't know how to react, I'm sorry. After all that happened in the Capitol, Prim died and I sunk into a deep depression. I was sure that killing Coin would be the last thing I’d do, but again there you were, preventing me from killing myself. You saved my life, again. So when I was sent to 12 and you weren’t there, all I could do was sit in a chair and wait for you. And I believed you would come back to me, otherwise I would’ve killed myself for sure. I knew I just had to wait and time would bring your heart to me. Peeta, I am never good enough for you, you are a genuinely good person. If I lived for a thousand years I’d still not deserve you. I am incapable of your kind of self denying, undying love. But in my heart of hearts I know that I do love you. That I have loved you since that day in the rain when you gave me the bread and that I will love you for a thousand years to come.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song 'A thousand years' is owned by Christina Perry.


	5. The berries, the pearl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katniss feels she is still in the games, will their love be saved?

I stay silent for a while and Peeta’s silent too. We just sit on the couch next to each other.

  
I think of the games and I feel we’re still in them. We arrived at the end. Now the moment of the berries has come. Only we aren’t just tributes, we are gamemakers too. Gamemakers of our own lives. Will we trust each other and announce ourselves winners or should we eat the berries and die? Because if we can’t trust each other, if he doesn’t even believe that I love him, then what is the use. Why continue a hoax. I want it to be real and I suddenly know what to do. The berries. I get up and get the nightlock from a vial in the cabinet, where still some medicine is left. We have these to end peoples suffering, if they are too far gone and in too much pain, my mom gives them the nightlock. So here we are again, with the nightlock. The choice is ours.

  
“Peeta, this is it,” I say, “we can live a good life together. To make the deaths of our loved ones count. But we have to trust each other. Here we are, at the end of the Games. Only you and me, we are left. And the berries. Now we pull the shots. Are we going to end up victors or are we going to eat the berries.” I open the vial and pour the berries out and scoop a few in Peeta’s hand. He looks in my eyes and I say again, “trust me.” He replies softly, “on the count of the three?”

  
“On the count of three,” I say. And we count together. “One,” I look in his eyes. “Two,” I look at the berries and I wonder if I made a mistake. What will he do? “Three,” no time to change my mind now. Staying alive only makes sense if we stay together. Without him I will be trapped in the arena forever. And then death will be the easier way out. So I bow my head towards my hand. But before the berries can reach my lips Peeta covers my hand with his. And he says, “Ladies and gentlemen... the victors of the seventy sixth Hunger Games.” I look in his eyes again as he finishes. “Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark.”

  
We fall into each other’s arms. After a long time we get up and go to the kitchen. There we throw away the nightlock and wash our hands.

  
“Now that we have chosen life together,” I whisper, “let’s get married.”

  
I’m waiting for him to say something. After a while he takes my hand. The one with the engagement ring, he strokes the pearl. “I found this pearl in your pocket, in the burning centre. I came to visit you, you were unconscious . They were about to throw your pants away but I took it and found the pearl in there. That was when I knew you loved me, because you carried it with you all the time. I cried that day and a few weeks later I went to a goldsmith in the Capitol to put it in the ring.”

  
“Thank you,” I whisper and tears fall on my cheeks.

  
“Katniss,” he says, as he wipes the tears from my face, “I love you too.” He lets go of my hand and opens his arms and I find myself again in his strong embrace. As our lips touch the hunger comes back more fiercely than ever.

  
And I know life can be good again. And only Peeta can give me that.

  
A few weeks later we get married. My mom is there, and Annie, Effie, Venia, Octavia and Flavius. Haymitch gives me away. We roast the bread over the fire in our house, like the District 12 custom. We eat lamb stew with dried plums for dinner. At night, after everybody left, Peeta carries me upstairs.

  
We kiss, we make love, we caress, we belong together.

  
So after, when he whispers, “You love me. Real or not real?”

  
I tell him, “Real.”


End file.
